Previously on Nip / Tuck...
My dad just gave us a lot of money for the baby's education fund.
Her name is Kate. She happens to be pretty special.
I had gastric bypass,
and after I lost 100 pounds, this is the result.
I don't give a shit if she was once fat.
Julia met someone, you met someone. I get it.
- Oli sounds very upper crust. - Yeah.
- Is Oli rich? - Yes. Very.
And it's Olivia.
- No, no, no, no, no. - Oh, come on.
Let 'em out or they'll suffocate.
Trust me, I'm a famous TV surgeon.
Right, right. Which is exactly why we should be careful,
because the tabloids would kill for a photo op of us.
- Of us naked in the hot tub? - That's right.
- Sean, I gotta go. - Oh, no, you don't.
- No, no. No, I do. I got a cramp. - Okay, okay, okay.
I promise we don't have to get naked.
Wait, Sean. Oh, God.
I... I drained it.
I put enough disinfectant in there to kill an outbreak of Ebola, so...
- Honey... - Don't, don't touch me, I...
- I can't even look at you. - Look...
I'm a doctor. Besides, this was nothing.
- Once you've seen your children born... - Wait, wait. Hey, whoa.
Are you comparing the birth of your children to me shitting in a hot tub?
Maybe you've got a bug or a stomach flu.
- Did you eat something? - Yeah, yeah, I did. I ate something, okay?
I felt awful after doing the scene with Aidan, and...
I tried shoving the entire catering truck down my throat,
and when that didn't make me feel any better,
I went over to the craft service table
and I hoovered up all the sugar cookies.
At least when you do a play, you can go to the ladies' room
and vomit in between acts, but no. This is TV.
The next shot was close on my face
so I had to resort to plan B.
- You took a laxative? - Yeah, three.
Oh.
You are never gonna be able to have sex with me again, are you?
Oh, for God's sake.
I mean, I am a little concerned that you'd resort to pills...
Look, it's a Catch 22, okay?
I'm so dissatisfied
with everything, work, my body...
So I eat.
I'm just, I'm scared, I'm scared that I'm gonna...
That I'm not gonna be satisfied till I drive away the one thing that is working.
You.
I'm not here because you're perfect.
I'm here because you're you. Human, beautiful.
And I'm satisfied with you.
Whoa, tiger. You should probably replenish your liquids.
Okay. Fill 'er up. How about I satisfy you right now?
Mr. Poe, how long have you been a plastic surgery addict?
Well, I'm hardly what you would call an addict.
Really?
Let's see. You've had two rhinoplasties to reshape the nostrils
and straighten out the bone, eh?
A chin augmentation, two blepharoplasties, a canthopexy
to tighten up the bottom lid and give you that catlike appearance there.
A brow lift, two otoplasties.
Am I missing anything?
Chin reduction, not augmentation.
My bad.
No, it's actually Dr. Woodman's bad. I asked for a cleft.
Do you see a cleft on me?
No, that's the one thing on your face I do not see.
It would have delineated the symmetry that I've been trying so hard to achieve.
Now, that hardly makes me an addict, does it?
I mean, a perfectionist, perhaps.
But in our business that sort of comes with the territory, doesn't it.
- Our business? - Yes.
I own one of the top salons in... In Beverly Hills. Hergonia.
Oh, I've heard of it. Home of the $800 haircut.
Farmers get haircuts.
My clientele are limited to the very rich and famous.
They don't come to me for haircuts.
They come to me because they know that I understand beauty is an Olympic ideal.
I face a mirror all day.
Every time I look up, there I am.
Now, if I'm striving to make my clients pictures of perfection, then...
Don't I owe the same obligation to myself?
And this, this cleft chin. It's gonna fulfill some kind of ideal?
Dr. Troy, when an A-list celebrity is thinking about getting a little work done,
to whom do they turn? Their maid?
Or to someone like me?
Who has dedicated himself body and soul to a universal standard of beauty.
So to whom do I send my $800 haircuts?
I truly am at a loss.
Okay, so this cleft. Are we talking Michael or Kirk Douglas?
And my migraines had just gotten so bad that, actually,
it was my mother, of all people, that suggested I got acupuncture.
I put two needles in her, and bingo. She starts to sob.
And she let me stay until I'd stopped, and then...
I invited her out to dinner to thank her.
And you're still thanking each other.
So how did Annie deal with the new situation, did she freak?
No. Well, you know how she adores her aunt Liz, so I just...
You outed me to Annie?
Why? Is that something to be ashamed of?
No, it's just that I wanted to be able to tell her myself, like when she's 60.
Ladies, this is the 21st century. You can take off your corsets.
I'm sorry. No, it's just...
Olivia said I should get used to PDA's...
- Public displays of... - Affection? I know.
So how did Annie deal with it?
She's fine. I mean, she sees how happy I am.
That I'm more complete. That there's no missing part of me.
You know how it is.
Well, actually, no.
Yeah, what's up with that?
You're this beautiful, brilliant doctor and no one's grabbed you up yet?
Hard to believe, huh?
Honey, look in the mirror. Okay? You're one hot momma.
You've got sexy spilling out of every pore.
- Doesn't she? - You do.
You know, I'm surprised you two never went for it.
- Oh! - Liz is like family.
It'd be like going out with your sister.
Well, call me stupid. You're married with kids.
I sort of assumed that you were straight.
Lesbian lesson number one, never assume.
Time's up.
Do you have an appointment? I'll give you a lift.
Lesson two. Hotel sex, hottest kind.
We've got this incredible suite overlooking Hollywood.
I always stay there when I come out on business.
Thank you.
- Thank you. - All right.
Let's go take advantage of the kids not being around.
I can't wait to do you on the balcony.
Oh, stop.
And you hang in. Okay? She's out there. You just have to have a little faith.
- Thar she blows, laddy! - Damn it, Christian. She got sick.
Oh, come on. It's no big deal. There are plenty of women out there.
Some are even potty trained.
Well, I'm not like you, okay?
You see the slightest imperfection in a woman and, poof, you're gone.
Well, news flash, the only kind of woman who doesn't fart and cry
and look like crap in the morning is either inflatable or dead.
Sean, you are not gonna start dating "The Shitter. "
- Stop saying that. - Oh, come on.
How can you look at her naked body and not think "rubber sheets. "
I got some leftover Sloppy Joes. Any takers?
No thank you, Liz.
Asshole.
Was it something I said?
I tell you, man. That guy is the Job of the dating world.
First, Julia moves to Lesbania.
Then, bachelorette number two...
Julia is just a tourist.
She hasn't taken up residency, and I don't think she plans to.
I thought she had the hots for that Oli chick.
Gay, straight, who wouldn't be? Oli is incredibly beautiful.
So she's just bi-curious.
Right now, Olivia's something dangerous and new.
More satisfying than what she had with Sean, but this isn't "it" for her.
You can see that every time Olivia touches her.
Poor Sean. I tell you, that Julia keeps you guessing, don't she?
At least she doesn't shit in a hot tub.
They told me to come right in, so that's what I did.
And you are?
Weston, Eden. Like "In the Garden of. "
No, I meant, you are how old?
Old enough. I just turned 18.
Uh-huh.
Is your mother or father going to be present?
I don't perform surgical procedures on anyone under 21
without parental approval.
Well, my father's not really in the picture anymore.
And I'd be too embarrassed to talk about it in front of my mother.
What is it you want me to do to you?
Surgically, I mean.
My hymen broke while I was riding my stupid horse at school.
I could feel it rip deep inside.
I want you to reconstruct it.
Well, why don't we call your mother and just...
- Look. - Talk to her about your problem.
I'm still a virgin, okay?
And I wanna decide who to give it to.
I don't want some damn horse deciding it for me.
I mean, blowjobs don't count. That's just like kissing someone, you know?
And anal's cool, I mean,
guys don't mind as long as they get to stick it in somewhere,
but your virginity?
That's a sacred hole.
It's a gift you give to someone you care about.
You know, I'm not comfortable
having this conversation without a parent present.
Is that why you're squirming around like that?
Because you're not comfortable?
Or are you hard?
You need to leave.
You know, I could make that erection go away for you.
I'll let you put it in my mouth, my ass.
Two out of three's not bad, right?
Maybe another time.
It was nice meeting you.
You're even hotter than you are on TV.
- Who is it? Dykes on Bikes.
We're having a "Welcome to LA" weenie roast with real weenies.
- Christian. - Hello.
What are you doing here?
Can't an old friend come by and see how an old friend is doing?
Look at you. I love this place.
You know, I wish you'd called, because I'm meeting Olivia and...
Have to get ready.
Ah, just slam on a pair of jeans and some Birkenstocks and you're good to go, right?
- Ha-ha. - Ha.
What's this that you're reading? Lesbians at Midlife?
Wow, you need a how-to book.
I thought this kind of stuff just came naturally. This is...
- Very interesting... - Collective writing, literary work.
Ah. You mean like The Vagina Monologues.
Christian, do you have a problem with my sexuality?
I've always had a problem with your sexuality.
And you've always had a problem with mine.
That may have been true once, but not anymore.
Why? Because you're a lesbian?
No, because I'm in love with Olivia.
Bullshit. For the first time we have the opportunity
to tell each other how we feel, and you pull this lesbian crap.
Unbelievable! You think I'm with a woman because of you?
I think you're with a woman because deep down,
you realize that you can't fall in love with another man.
Your ego's so huge it's a wonder your head doesn't explode.
It's the only thing bigger than my cock. If you recall. Or do men disgust you now?
You know what? I am gay, Christian.
I feel like I'm being authentic for the first time in my life.
So what we had wasn't authentic?
What we had was exciting...
And illicit, and full of fantasy.
This is nothing to do with you, it's just that...
Women have a greater level of sensitivity.
Sensitivity my ass.
Remember how this feels? Huh?
Remember what that feels like?
Puzzle pieces fit, baby. Admit it.
Let me make love to you.
What's the worst that could happen, huh? That I'm right?
- That we stop running? - Damn it, Christian!
You want honesty?
You can't stand the fact that I am happy without you.
That I am in love with someone else.
You keep lying to yourself, sweetie-pie. One day the novelty will wear off.
And you'll realize you missed your one chance at true happiness.
Olivia's a nice piece of ass.
But she can never get inside you the way that I can.
Well, this is nice, huh?
Kind of like being back in Florida.
How's school going?
Your mom says it's a little bit of an adjustment just 'cause everything's new,
which is totally understandable.
I wanna come live with you.
Oh, sweetie. It takes time. You don't know any of the kids yet.
- You don't... - It's not the school. It's Mom.
Is it her being gay?
Pretty new for her, too, you know.
I just wanna live here with you.
Can I, Daddy?
How about I talk it over with your mom, and then we'll see, okay?
Sometimes when things are different, you just have to get used to them
then they're not so bad, you know.
Hey, Annie.
It's a cute suit, but lay off the carbs, pudge.
Annie's fanny's starting to look like a blubber butt.
- How do you know that girl? - Eden? She's Olivia's daughter.
Want some? My mom likes to loosen her girls up before she nails them.
Julia's quite the screamer, by the way.
Why didn't you tell me you were Olivia's daughter?
You mean, use my real name? Would've spoiled all the fun.
You know, if Julia's my new mommy, that practically makes you my daddy.
Don't you wanna be my daddy?
What I want is for you to stay away from my daughter.
You mean my little sister?
She's so sweet and impressionable.
- I have so much to teach her. - You're a real little bitch, aren't you?
What did you just call my daughter?
Your lovely daughter showed up at my office requesting a hymen reconstruction.
I don't care if she asked for a third tit,
you're never to use that word in reference to her again.
What's going on?
Oh, hi, Julia. I didn't know you were here.
So quiet. What's the matter, Mom? Have an off day?
Sweetheart, don't think that by going on the offensive
we'll forget that you're the one in trouble.
So who popped your cherry?
Charles. He's black.
And that should make a difference?
Well, he was too big for me. It hurt when I rode him.
You thought you couldn't come to your mother because I was in the way?
Oh, no Julia. You're not in the way.
You aren't even here, God.
Don't talk to her that way. I won't allow it.
I bet you don't even know the first thing about who this Charles is,
where he comes from...
I told you. Charles is a goddamn black stallion, you racist piece of shit.
Even if that's true, I'm sure it wasn't her first horse.
Your daughter came to me to have her hymen redone.
Doesn't that make you a little bit uncomfortable?
Julia's always talking about how you're one of the top surgeons in the country.
So I assume she went to you because you were the best.
Maybe the discomfort's subjective, Doctor.
Can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?
- What is wrong with you? - It's about Annie.
I don't think this is a good arrangement, with you and Olivia.
For her or for you?
I mean, if you're worried about Annie seeing her mother
with another woman, don't.
- She seems perfectly fine. - That's not what she told me.
What did she say?
She says she wants to live with me, that she's not comfortable
with everything that's going on.
I don't believe that. She never mentioned anything.
She loves you. She doesn't wanna hurt you. But she's not happy.
She's my baby, Sean.
I don't wanna lose her.
Ah, you're late. We started without you...
Sorry, I got a little hung up at Julia's.
Pass me the Roto Osteotome, would you?
Unless, of course, you wanna do the honors.
- Here you go. - Thank you, nurse.
How'd everything go with Julia?
Julia's fine. It's Annie.
She's uncomfortable with the whole Julia gay thing.
She wants to live out here with me.
I can talk to her, Sean. At that age, it's all about fitting in.
Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm the one who's having trouble with it.
- Maybe. - Maybe I don't wanna
see her with someone else, male or female.
Maybe Annie's picking up on something from me.
You know what I think you should do?
You should take Kate on one of those romantic California weekends, you know?
Like Shutters down in Santa Monica or something like that.
Forget about Julia.
You're suggesting I take The Shitter to Shutters?
Look, I was wrong, you were right. We're all human. Everybody poops.
And Julia doesn't need you to take care of her problems anymore, Sean.
You're a free agent. You should just go for it.
Eden's rebelling.
Remember how you always wanted to shock your parents?
Well, most kids go through that stage.
But when you're mother's a lesbian, it's a tough act to follow.
She's giving it a hell of a try.
Look, gay or straight, as parents we need to set limits.
I think she could use a few more.
Her story about the horse was true.
I checked with her riding instructor.
After a particularly difficult hurdle, she had blood on her uniform.
Look. She's been through a lot, being different...
Having me for a mom isn't easy on a kid.
And if for once in her life she wants to be like the other girls in her class,
I want her to have that.
I'm signing the consent form.
I'm not comfortable doing this. Julia would never approve.
Oh, she already has. She says medically, you're the best.
And as far as your ethics are concerned, she trusts you completely.
I'd have to see how extensive the tear is.
What if you can't repair it?
We'll have to use a dermal regenerative template.
I'd shape it to an exact fit.
Replicating the natural fenestrations that would allow normal secretion.
I want your hands in me any way I can.
I'm sorry you don't agree with my decision.
I'm just doing the best job I can.
And I know you will, too.
What's the matter?
Matt. What...
I've left Kimber, Dad.
And I've taken the baby. I really need your help.
She's beautiful, Matt.
But you can't just take her and disappear, it's kidnapping.
No, Kimber knows she's with me. She doesn't care.
She can't handle being a mother right now
and she doesn't want anything to do with me.
I've been declared a "suppressive person. "
- What the hell is that? - It's this whole campaign
they wage against people who leave, you know?
I mean, they take your property, they take your kids.
There was no way I was gonna let them get their hooks into Jenna.
All right, just relax. All right, here you go.
Take a seat. Okay, nothing's going to happen to you now you're with us.
- Does your mother know? - No.
And I don't want her to. She's going through enough right now
coming out to everybody.
I don't know. I was thinking maybe I could give it a try out here.
You know? Start over?
If I can make a few thousand bucks, find a place to live...
Maybe check into school, I think...
You've got 250 grand, Matt.
I can't think of a better time to dip into it.
The money's gone.
She gave it to the church.
- All of it? - Yeah.
- Jesus, Matt. That was our house. - I didn't know she was doing it.
It was my house, everything I worked for.
How could you have entrusted her with that kind of money?
He loved her, Sean. All right?
He didn't know the bitch was gonna rip him off.
Look, here's a few hundred bucks to tide you over.
I'll pay the first couple month's rent when you find a place.
- Thanks, Christian. - Yeah, great. You be the good father.
And watch him take everything you ever did for him
and flush it down the toilet.
Dad, look.
I'm sorry, okay. I screwed up. It's unforgivable,
you know, and I wish there were do-overs in life, like when you're a kid.
I have to change her.
Come on. Cut the kid some slack.
He can't help it if he was born with his brains in his dick.
He's just like his daddy.
I'm having a great time.
I wish you were here.
I'm sorry. I'm just. I'm just off.
Off, or off me?
I'm beginning to question my technique.
Don't. You have a very good technique.
You have a great technique.
I just... Oh, I don't know. I'm just distracted, you know.
Sean and Annie and...
That Christian's a piece of work, isn't he?
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I think we should do?
What?
I think we should get married.
We could drive to Boston when we get home.
The girls could be maids of honor.
Oh, God. Olivia, I, I just don't think I'm up for this.
You know, I don't think Annie's up for it, you know. I don't know that I am.
I am.
I love you.
Orgasm or no orgasm.
Sooner or later, I just, I just want the world to know it.
I just have to go to the bathroom.
I'm sorry, it's not you.
- Okay. - It's me. I'm just distracted.
My daughter's going through a tough time.
Okay.
Ride me, baby. Ride me.
Yes! Full count!
Harder, harder!
These sheets are real soft.
The blood supply seems healthy.
The risk of rejection is what we mostly worry about
with the majority of allographs.
It feels very tender.
It will for a couple of days.
There's some slight swelling. Nothing unusual.
It's real sensitive, all along here, whenever I touch it.
It seems so, I don't know...
Once the sutures are removed, the extreme sensitivity should lessen.
Not too much, I hope.
That'd be a drag.
Do I have to worry about tearing my new hymen?
When I touch myself like this?
I'll recommend another practice for your follow-ups.
I don't wanna see you in here again. Ever.
I couldn't leave LA without seeing the Pacific Ocean.
I was driving around and I just kept thinking, what if he's right?
What if I'm running away from the only thing that I have ever wanted?
Listen.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
It's the world's oldest song.
May I have this dance?
I should be the one to tell Sean.
Unless, of course, you want to.
No.
Then I'll tell him.
He'll be upset at first, but he'll come around.
He loves us both. I'm sure he wants us to be happy.
He'll find someone, you know.
Did he tell you what happened with that TV actress that he's been seeing?
Oh, my God, that guy sure can pick 'em.
Present company excluded, of course.
He's gonna have to learn how to live without you, you know.
I've been doing it for years, now it's his turn.
Is that what gave you an orgasm?
Imagining the look on Sean's face when you told him we were together?
That's ridiculous. I love you.
How can you love what you can't even see?
Where you going?
Home.
Olivia said that the only way I'd get you out of my system
was to sleep with you.
I guess she was right.
Matty?
Hey, do you know when Christian is gonna get back?
I wanted to ask him if he could...
You know what? Never mind. It's not important. Sorry.
You need some money?
What did Christian give you, a couple hundred? Here.
No, it's, it's okay, Dad. You made your stance on that real clear. I got it.
I was wrong. I overreacted.
Let me help you out, I'll make it out to cash.
Why the sudden change?
We all make mistakes, right?
We all just keep trying to do better, be better people.
Overcome our weaknesses.
It took guts to do what you did. Take it.
Leave Kimber, start fresh.
I'm proud of you.
Did you get it? - Mmm-hmm.
I got $300 worth courtesy of my two dads.
Yeah. Daddy-Mac gave me a big fat check to help me get back on my feet,
and next week, it's Mommy's turn to save me.
No, hey, I think she's hungry.
She's fine, Matt! Will you help me with this, please?
Okay.
Patrón Silver, please.
Thank you.
Well, Helen didn't exaggerate.
She said you would be over six feet tall, and gorgeous.
Although she said you'd be sitting at the other end of the bar.
Do I pay for the drinks now, or should I put it on my hotel bill?
And you are?
Valerie Farrell.
I probably shouldn't have used my real name.
Oh, well. Too late.
I'm sorry. Forgive me.
I'm afraid I've never done this before.
Paid for someone.
Tell me,
does your husband know how you spend his hard-earned money?
Only if there's life after death.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
He's much better off to me that way.
My husband owned most of the city of Santa Clarita, California.
He was a very powerful man.
In every way but one.
Well, as they say, money can't buy you everything.
As long as it can buy you.
Campbell, isn't it?
I think that's what Helen said.
Is it enough?
Depends on what you're thinking.
Three or four years ago, we had one of the worst droughts in California history.
The fruit just withered on the vine.
And then it rained, and it all came back.
It's been a long dry season.
Well, I hope you brought an umbrella.
Because they're predicting thunderstorms.
I know Matt's an adult, and I'm not supposed to worry,
but when was the last time you heard from him?
Oh, you know how it is with a new baby.
Yeah, I guess with Kimber and the church, he's got his hands full.
So, what did you decide about Annie?
You said you figured something out.
Actually, it was her idea.
He was so checking you out. Here, let me have those.
So did Mommy tell you? Isn't it great?
Annie wants to go to Preston. The school where Eden goes.
It's right outside of Santa Barbara.
Isn't it wonderful? I'll be able to look out for her 24/7.
Like a real big sister.
And it's only an hour away, so Daddy can come visit whenever he wants to.
English - SDH